Everything you do to cope makes sense.

Sometimes we go into therapy feeling a lot of shame. We’ve developed unhealthy ways of coping, and we’re not happy with ourselves. It can be hard to sit in front of a new therapist, someone you don’t know, and open up to them about the things you’re not proud of.

Well, I want you to know that all of your coping strategies, no matter how unproductive they may be, make sense.

Can you let that sink in? Everything you’re doing just to get through each day makes complete sense.

I have never failed to feel compassion for a client who has shared their darkest secrets with me.

Does that mean I support behavior that is harmful to my client or those around them? Of course not.

Does that mean nothing needs to change? Not necessarily. If you’re unhappy with your life and want things to be different. Let’s work together toward change!

But, your behavior still makes sense.

Author Sally Hepworth wrote, “Don’t beat yourself up for single-handedly saving yourself with the tools you had available to you. Where I come from, that’s called survival.”

You’re surviving, and you’re doing a pretty dang good job of it because you’re still here, getting through each day.

We are all doing the best we can, and in one way or another, we find strategies to soothe our emotional wounds. We have to. These coping tools often develop in childhood when we don’t have the resources or the knowledge to know how to properly care for our emotional health. We reach for what we can find. Food, screens, spending, substances, overworking, anger, avoidance, codependency, and countless other things. Many of us were cared for by adults who also didn’t know how to cope in healthy ways. They may have tried unsuccessfully to support us or they may have been oblivious to our emotional needs. Of course you have clung to old ways of getting by! It makes sense.

I work with clients to reduce the shame of these behaviors, increase self-compassion, and explore the emotional processes going on underneath it all. You matter, and for whatever reason, you did not learn how to get what you need in ways that were healthy for you. I want to help you feel better about yourself and have what you need—emotional safety and a secure sense of who you are and what you’re worth.